Good Was Not Good Enough

If good is never being good enough, I was confused. We never arrive?

Do you ever get tired of living for a world that always tells you you’re not good enough?

One time someone in the TV business told me: “You’re only as good as the last story you told.”

Got it, but ouch.

So. I applied that to my life because somehow, at that age, it made a lot of sense.
You’re only as good as your last live shot.
You’re only as good as your last interview.
You’re only as good as the last sale you made.
You’re only as good as your last speaking engagement.
You’re only as good as the last book you wrote.
You’re only as good as the last marathon you ran.
You’re only as good as the last class you taught.
You’re only as good as the last dinner you made.
You’re only as good as the last time you cleaned your house.
You’re only as good as the last workout you crushed.
You’re only as good as the last time you didn’t lose your mind over a temper tantrum.
You’re only as good as the last time you coped with no sleep.
The last time u didn’t have a drink. Or too many.

You get me. I know it. You could insert your own. I added a few in there for you. Lawd knows I don’t run marathons. Or sell things. Or have patience on no sleep. That was all for you.

If being good was never being good enough, I was confused. We never arrive? Suddenly, life felt empty. What do I live for now? If I’m never going to be good enough, what am I supposed to do? As a new Mom with a fussy baby to tend, would I also come up short in this new endeavor? This role wasn’t for me either, was it? A major identity crisis ensued. I did the thing women are supposed to do but where was the fulfillment I was supposed to feel?

If I could have taken the things I’ve internalized over the years and combatted them with scripture and truth, I’d be hearing things like this:

You are somebody’s world now.
You matter.
You were created for such a time as this.
You do not lack a spiritual gift.
You have what it takes because Christ dwells inside you.
You’re on a mission.
Don’t lose heart.
This world is full of lies.
But you bask in the light of the one who gives life.
Speak words that make others grow.
Speak words that will make you grow.
You need therapy gurl.

Slowly a God with a plan for a lost me directed my steps one by one back to a place where I mattered—whether I hit the target or not. Once He helped me correct my course, wouldn’t you know I felt needed and loved and worth it? Worth the love I felt from my baby, worth the love I felt from my husband? Although I have had to fight my flesh everyday of my life, I knew someday I’d write a story about a girl who got lost but was found, about a straggler on the edge of being devoured. It’s a tale as old as time. You have a similar story you know. His faithfulness astounds me. We go from all of that despair and demented destruction back to a God who thinks we matter.

A God who whispers promises like this:

You are my child.
My grace is sufficient.
No more shame.
No more regret.
You are better than the last time you did anything great because you were created in the image of Me, the creator of the world.
You are blessed.
Blessed is the one who trusts the Lord.

We cannot let this world tell our husbands, our children, our friends, our extended family who they are. We can either be one with this place that will tell you you fall short. Or we can fight against the lies and start taking every single word we hear and say and reflect what we know to be true, what we know to be true of ourselves and all the people we love.
We are loved. We matter. We are good enough.

Thanks for reading,
Courtney